How to Write Personal Wedding Vows That Matter

Writing personal vows might seem like a daunting task, but here’s why I think it’s one of the most important parts of your wedding day: your vows are the only reason everyone’s gathered to watch you get married.

Think about it. Your guests aren’t there for the canapés or the first dance (though they’ll happily enjoy both). They’re there to witness your commitment to each other. Your vows are the main event – everything else is just the after-party.

Why Write Personal Vows?

The legal vows required in Australia are beautifully short and simple, but they don’t tell your story. Personal vows give you the chance to tell your partner exactly why you’re choosing them, what you’re promising, and what marriage means to you.

When I married Britt in 2012, I promised to “never split the bill” – a callback to our first date when I, in a moment of pure romance, asked to split the cheque. Personal vows let you include these unique moments that make your relationship yours.

After witnessing over 2,400 weddings across 22 countries, I can tell you that the most memorable ceremonies always feature personal vows that feel authentic and meaningful.

How Long Should Personal Vows Be?

Here’s my hot take after 16 years as a celebrant: about 90 seconds when read aloud. That’s roughly 200-250 words.

Why? Because brevity is the soul of vow-writing. If your vows go beyond two minutes, you risk your guests zoning out and your partner nervously wondering when you’ll wrap up so they can have their turn.

In thousands of weddings, I’ve never once heard anyone say, “I wish those vows were longer.” But I’ve certainly seen relief on guests’ faces when lengthy vows finally conclude.

Remember, your ceremony should be about 18 minutes total (the ideal TED Talk length) – your vows are just one part of that experience.

What Should You Include in Personal Vows?

1. A Forward-Facing Declaration of Love

Start with why. Why this person? What makes them different from the 7.9 billion other humans? Make it specific to them – not just “you’re my best friend” but why they’re your best friend.

Focus more on where you’re going than where you’ve been. Your guests already know your story – what they don’t know is what your marriage will mean to you.

2. Promises for Your Future

What are you committing to? These could be serious (“I promise to stand by you through every challenge”) or playful (“I promise to let you control the TV remote on weeknights”), but they should be genuine promises you intend to keep.

The best vows I’ve heard contain promises that are both meaningful and achievable – commitments that will matter in your day-to-day life together.

3. A Look Forward

Paint a picture of the life you’re creating together. What are you excited about? What dreams do you share? This is where you can express what marriage means to you beyond just the wedding day.

What to Avoid in Personal Vows

1. Inside Jokes Only You Understand

If you’re saying your vows in front of guests, remember they’re part of the audience. A small reference is fine, but a five-minute dissertation on your cat’s bizarre behaviours is best saved for your anniversary card.

2. Recycled Vows from the Internet

I’ve heard the same “Pinterest vows” at multiple weddings, and trust me, it shows. Your relationship isn’t a template – your vows shouldn’t be either. I can always tell when vows are genuine versus when they’ve been copied from somewhere else.

3. Empty Promises

Don’t promise things you know you won’t deliver. If you’re not a morning person, don’t vow to make breakfast in bed every Sunday. Authenticity matters more than grandiose statements.

4. Retelling Your Entire Relationship History

Your guests already know how you met and your journey to the altar. Focus instead on what your future holds and why you’re choosing marriage.

How to Prepare Your Vows

1. Start early – at least a month before the wedding
2. Write them down – don’t try to wing it on the day
3. Practice reading them aloud – what looks good on paper might sound different when spoken
4. Consider sharing with a trusted friend – they can give feedback and help edit
5. Bring a backup copy – wedding day nerves can make memory unreliable
6. Give a copy to your celebrant – I always keep a backup of my couples’ vows just in case

Should You Memorize Your Vows?

Unlike me as your celebrant (who doesn’t read from scripts or iPads), I actually recommend that you read your vows rather than trying to memorize them. Wedding day nerves are real, and having your vows written down ensures you won’t forget the important promises you’ve carefully crafted.

Do You Need to Say the Same Things?

Absolutely not. Your vows should reflect your individual voice and perspective. Some couples choose to follow the same structure, but the content should be personal to each of you.

Ultimately, the best vows are the ones that sound like you, feel true to your relationship, and make clear commitments your partner can count on.

I’ve seen vows that made entire congregations both laugh and cry within the same minute. I’ve heard vows whispered so only the couple could hear. I’ve witnessed vows that changed the atmosphere in the room because they were so authentically them.

Your vows don’t need to be poetic masterpieces. They just need to be real – a genuine expression of why you’re standing there, promising your life to this person who matters more than anyone else.

And that’s something worth writing down, don’t you think?